4 Steps To Biblical Parenting

“Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

Heartache

Many parents have expressed a need for direction when their grown children stray from faith. After a decade as a youth pastor and twenty-seven years in pastoral ministry, I have spoken to many parents of adult children who are heartbroken and at a loss due to their children’s lack of faith. If you or someone you know is walking through this valley, please read and share this article.

Let them Hunt

Over the years I have witnessed a cycle. It seems that young adults with one or two controlling parents take longer to develop their own relationship with God. There is a reason for the “do not feed the animals,” signs in national parks. Not only is it dangerous for humans, but it is also bad for animals. When animals are given food, they lose the instinct to hunt and attain food for themselves.

 
In much the same way that wild animals who are fed lose their ability to feed themselves, young adults can fail to develop the ability to connect to God for themselves when parents keep that responsibility on their own shoulders. As children grow, our roles as parents are supposed to shift. Kind of like a growing plant. You can start it off in a small pot but as it grows the pot needs to be replaced with a bigger and bigger one and eventually the plant will go into the ground.

 
Shift your Role

When children are newly born, the parents must do nearly everything for them. Then as they grow they are expected to take on more and more responsibilities. For example, they learn to walk, talk, and use the restroom in the first 2 years or so. Over the next few years, their parents should be training them to make good choices. By teenage years, the parents still have to have guidelines but should be in more of a coaching role. When a teenager transitions to adulthood, the parent should be primarily a mentor.
The trouble I’ve seen is that parents still want to give consequences for bad behavior much later in the child’s development than they should. As the child grows they need to experience natural consequences. In other words, don’t shelter the child from consequences and then give them your own punishment. This will cause a child to grow up feeling that they only have to answer to mom and dad.

Now What?

 If you are guilty of the above scenario, relax. The only thing you’re actually guilty of is loving your child too much. That’s not really a bad thing. You will, however, need to make some radical changes in order to get your grown children to spiritually feed themselves. Remember the changes are in your behavior, not your child’s. You have done a great job at teaching them to live a life of faith in God. Now trust those seeds you have planted.

“Cast your bread upon the water and it shall return before long.”  Ecclesiastes 11:1

 Trust the Seed

A common practice in ancient Israel was to plant seeds by the seashore at low tide. The seeds were planted by throwing them into the muddy bank that the water would cover at high tide. Then they would cause their cattle to walk over the seeds and smash them into the mud. The tide would come in and cover the land, The farmer had to trust that nature would take its course and the tide would go out again and the seeds would grow. After some time the seeds that were cast out in faith, would produce a great crop.

One of the hardest things for a parent to do is to take a step back and trust God to bring forth a harvest from the seeds they have sown. The worst thing the farmers could have done would have been to go and dig up the seeds when the tide went out again to make sure they were still there. That would have required them to start the process all over again. Parents have to trust that once seeds are planted that God will cause them to be watered and to grow. Don’t drill your child to make sure he or she still remembers what you taught them. They remember, you just have to let them realize that it's up to them now to receive from the Lord for themselves.

Conclusion

You got this! When your child was born, God put them 100% into your care. Since that time, you have been giving them back to God a little at a time. Adulthood is the time they should be 100% in the care of God. The best thing a parent can do for adult children is to pray. When they're still in our care, we pray for wisdom to lead them correctly. When they are grown, we pray for their hearts to be sensitive to the voice of God. The fact that you have read this article shows you are a good parent. Now just trust God to bring forth a harvest from the seeds you have planted.

Written By Mike Verdin