How To Cure A Stony Heart

WHAT IS A STONY HEART?

A stony heart is a heart that can only care for itself. It is the opposite of a loving heart as described in I Corinthians 13. It is a heart that sees everyone else as the enemy. It is guarded, and it is mean. 

DO YOU HAVE A STONY HEART?

It’s easy to read this description and say, “ Well, that certainly isn’t me!” The truth is, it probably is all of us from time to time. The important thing is to recognize when our hearts become stony and quickly resolve it. 

WHAT CAUSES A STONY HEART?

Imagine you're stranded on a deserted island. There are several people and no one has eaten for several days. Suddenly you spot a plate filled with your favorite food. How would you respond? Your first instinct would be to take care of your own needs. Hopefully, you have enough goodness in you that your conscious would get the best of you before you totally indulge and you would ultimately decide to share. 

Now imagine you’ve accomplished something huge! This monumental achievement opens doors for you to hang out with some of the people you have been idolizing for a long time. The problem is that your old friends would also like to hang out with you. After all, they have been with you every step of the way while you were pursuing your dream. Now instead of getting to celebrate with you, you are freezing them out so that you can have more time with your idols. 

In this scenario, you can see a stony heart formed from a scarcity mentality. Someone wants to take this very limited, finite commodity called time away from you. If they succeed, you will not be able to do what you have your heart set on doing. When someone feels as though someone else is threatening to take away something extremely valuable and limited, their first instinct will be to defend what is theirs. This is a stony heart and it can cause a person to become very ugly.  Of course, time is not the only precious commodity that can become threatened. It could have easily been money or a promotion. 

HEALING MY STONY HEART

One sunny summer afternoon, I was out mowing my lawn. I love to use this time to reflect on life and allow The Lord to speak into my heart. This particular afternoon, however, I was not an easy customer. The Lord brought to my attention Mathew 6:25-34 which says to consider how God provides for the birds even though they don’t plan for their future they always have what they need. How much more will your Heavenly Father take care of you? 
I usually love this passage of scripture, but that day it struck a nerve so I decided to push back on the Lord.“The birds don’t have a conscious mind and I do! Surely more is expected of me since I have the ability to plan for my future,”
Just then I felt His words pierce my heart. “I did not give you a conscious mind so that you would take my job. I gave you a conscious mind so that you could do what I do”
In that moment it all became clear. I was supposed to have enough faith in God to know that He would take care of my needs. If I know He is taking care of me, that frees me up to take care of others. There is no better cure for a stony heart than faith in God. When Jesus was being arrested, his disciples wanted to fight off the Roman guards. Jesus said don’t you know that my Father would send thousands of angels to my aid if I asked Him? He was able to freely give away His life because He knew it was the will of God. 

EXAMPLE OF A STONY HEART 

Have you ever been the first one stopped at a red light and were about two seconds late in realizing it turned green? I bet the car behind was kind enough to inform you of your error. As a matter of fact, he probably informed you that you were an idiot for wasting two seconds of his life. 
We live in a world where people are driving around with so much frustration that they are just hoping to catch someone messing up so that they can release their frustration. Jesus said that we are to bring our burdens to Him. He wants us to love one another, not use each other for punching bags. 

A HEART OF FLESH

Jesus taught us to resist our natural instincts. “If someone hits you in the face, offer them the other side of your face as well,” He said. If someone asks you for your coat, give them your cloke also. If you only do good to people who do good to you, where is the reward in that? Even sinners do the same. Love those who persecute you and do good to those who do bad to you. Judge not and you will not be judged. Condemn not and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven.”  Luke 6 verses 29 through 37

HOW TO CURE A STONY HEART?

The way to cure a stony heart is to take it to Jesus. He removes our burdens, relieves our frustrations renews our faith, and tenderizes our hearts. When we lean on Him, others can lean on us. The next time someone takes from you, try to look past what they are taking away and see what they or in need of. If you are unable to do that don’t be discouraged. It doesn’t mean you are an evil person, it just means that you need to spend more time in the Lord’s presence. Keep up the great work. By even attempting this exercise you are on your way to having a tender heart.

By Mike Verdin

For more on this, read my book The Elder Son

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For a personal consultation or to schedule me to speak to your team contact me at mike@elderson.org